Wednesday, February 28, 2007
feeling much better today. sorry bout the ramblings in yesterday's posts. just needed to talk to someone. so since my ideal someone to talk with is a person i'm not allowed to message. shrugs. i couldn't help it.
i'm meeting _____ later on at raffles city for dinner then going for my dance class. groove night 'MAFIA' on sunday 040307 at DXO from 1930h to late! tickets going at 14 bucks at the door inc of 1 free drink! one for one housepours from 1930h to 2030h! (: (: (: so here's YOUR reply. if you ever read this -- it's a shame what happened between us. and it's sad things turned out this way. it sucks too. yes i agree the connection is still there. but what the hell is the point of a connection when you take the easy way out in whatever circumstances you're in? what makes you a friend even, when you end up hurting someone else through that easy way out?
- everything's just temporary;
1:43 PM
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
i don't understand the meaning of a blog lock. i don't understand why people lock their blogs. i mean, the whole damn fucked up idea of a blog is to let what you're thinking out, to let all the emotions that you've been hiding inside for so long out. no one should really care who should read it. what's the point then? might as well go click microsoft word and type it all out there or something. what idoicy is portrayed by the acts of some. it confuses me. or maybe it's something so intellectual that i cannot and am unable to connect with. pfft. anyways, im bored stiff right here. i have absolutely no idea why i'm home. there's nothing else for me to do. and the people who have asked me out, i don't know.. not that i don't want to head out with ya'll but i've sort of become an introvert for now. i just have many unsettling and persistant thoughts which will probably cause a spoil in the moods. ughs. its the philosophy book! it must be! with all the quotes for life etc. so why am i a killer for it?. damn! just questioning too. why are there so many expectations set for us by the society we live in? i mean, who set the rules? who made it the norm? who sets the expectations? why must we live by that? why can't we be free to live how we want to be? does climbing up the social ladder mean thinking, and doing things like the majority? also, really; what is so great about clubbing? what's so fun about spending money on cover charges and drinks, inhaling second hand smoke and reaching home dead tired smelling like fuck due to the damned smoke, being groped around by guys trying to hump their way through and obstructing the way you dance.? probably the only thrill you get is the music, if its good. and the dj, if its DJ TANG or ANDREW CHOW. (: and if the guy you're dancing with happens to complement your moves. but other than that explain to me? what fun do you get out of it? perhaps the ways guys are leering at you, or the way you like to feel so good that someone, some guy wants to dance with you.. i find the most acceptable reason being the ability to hide from one's true nature, putting on a mask and seeing how pathetic the vast majority of the population is. sometimes to the extent, you sometimes wish you were them too. but then again, isn't that self-loathing? or being unable to accept how one is so different from everyone else? i do wish i got someone to talk to. not like a shrink. but someone who understands where i'm coming from and can offer me some other view point in conjunction to mine. 'Sometimes i speak to men and women just as a little girl speaks to her doll. She knows, of course, that the doll does not understand her, but she creates for herself the joy of communication through a pleasant and conscious self-deception.' --Schopenhauer
- everything's just temporary;
11:15 AM
i happened to be talking to samuel. and we chatted about what im going to do in the months to come. of course there was the past.. like the seasports days and al. i'm pleasantly surprised that he remembered many things, some things so small, it got lost in those ruffled memories till he reminded me. they were so long ago. so very long ago. but it really shows something. it shows how sincere someone really is. and i feel good knowing i've such a senior who's now a friend. (: a very good friend. so if you ever happen to be reading this post. thank you. for your help, advice, for listening and most of all for being a true friend. i appreciate it. oh, and all the best with your girlfriend! (: (: (:i was talking to roy today. i guess i drove him to away or something. was talking about clubbing. and i proposed my cynical view about it to him. perhaps i went overboard in whatever i said. perhaps, but i seriously don't think so. i guess, the one thing i got from chin when he was around, was perhaps the very different and interesting view point which i haven't yet managed to get from anyone else. i suppose i was expecting that from roy too. guess it didn't turn out so well. and i'm really sorry roy. my deepest and most sincere apologies... sometimes i think ______ more like a big brother to me. more than anything in the world. sometimes i think i love him more of a brother or a best friend. its a pity he doesn't think the same way. it would have been so great. so wonderfully amazing. ...maybe the person i was looking for to talking was right in front of me i just had no idea.
- everything's just temporary;
12:26 AM
Sunday, February 25, 2007
i just missed the times when we were talking thats all. is it even wrong to think about someone who you used to hang out and have a good time with? i mean all i know was that sitting under the stars was probably one of the best times ever. an open honest conversation and him telling me he was gay. i just miss the company you know. it isn't ever easy trying to find someone whom you can actually tell everything about and just being friends. so is it wrong? i can't do anything much right now. no messages, no calls, no meeting ups. i just miss him. until i stop and think about whatever happened. i wish i never knew him. i wish you were just a dream. like they say, princes only happen in the world of fairytale. you were never real. just a fantasy.this is such a mindfuck.
- everything's just temporary;
11:34 AM
Friday, February 23, 2007
congrats on that license ling. mua. your style. anyways, ______ threw a nice candlelight dinner for me that night. though we just had pizza. (: and he made a nice heart shape using the cards. it was awfully sweet. (: thank you. what to wear for groove night mafia style. (: italian? how do you tell someone you love him without him expecting you to stay by his side?
- everything's just temporary;
4:28 PM
Sunday, February 18, 2007
he's a pest, an irritant but when he's gone i miss him. it sucks, i hate that but i do. so when he messaged, i wish i could meet him sometime soon. some bro of mine ey. hahas. i still owe you that same thing i said to you back in year 1. grins.so happy chinese new year to one and all. eat well, get fat, whatever. just be happy and get loadsa money. so now i'm the rich girl from last night's 3.95 to some few hundreds. (: i'm a killer for money. licks lips. anyways, i haven't told what i got for valentines.! got a bunch of black roses from _____. and a 30 bucks LA SENZA VOUCHER! yea yea yea... hahhas. plus a big pillow personalised. hmmms. im happy. hahhahs. ugly betty and desperate housewives season 3 is back! omgomgomg. hahhas. im going to hog the tv already man! ooh lala~anyways, started on this book called the consolations of philosophy by alain de botton; FUCKING good. (: (: thus il end this with a quote from his book... "If common sense is cordoned off from questions, it is because its judgements are deemed plainly too sensible to be the targets of scrutiny."
- everything's just temporary;
10:46 PM
Saturday, February 17, 2007
headed to club with ada and alan on valentines. went down to MOS cause they were playing only house at the CLINIC. the damn stupid cabs were all on call and there were no other cabs in sight. i mean it was past twelve. shouldn't these people be like in some hotel room of some sort having hot sex or something.? give the singles a break. blehs. met amanda and a few of her friends and desmond at boat quey. hahhas. and she gave a rose. -.- anyways, saw trevis or however you spell his name at MOS. he's fucking super big size. omg. it's crazy man. anyways, the music sucked till DJ TANG started spinning. (: (: (: (: (: he's the man. really the man. went for a facial the next day at the swisshotel and then headed to donate blood at raffles place mrt station. my first donation. loll. and i got a free umbrella plus note book. it was a good experience i must say. waited quite some time before it was my turn so went to collect my pay from true yoga. headed to taka to shop for his cny clothes. went to church, played pool. was full so headed down to some 'pasamalam' shopping centre and bought a pair of board shorts for 12 bucks. hey hey, where else you want a girl to shop when the money's coming in on wed and her NETS has like $3.95. well, i had to buy SOMETHING! -.- then went down to prata house to eat. YUM. little children. go watch the show. it's good. oh yea. it's so fucking good. solid show number 3. AND TO WHO IT MAY CONCERN: if you want to lie, go ahead and do so. just make sure i never learn about it. if not just don't lie at all. well screw you. you deserve to be where you are.
- everything's just temporary;
5:16 PM
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAX BABY OL' BOY! I LOVE YOU TONS AND TONS AND TONS MORE THAN MOST HUMAN BEINGS IN THIS WORLD! BIG HUGS! it's max's birthday today. haha. my darling labrador retriever. (: rach jie ordered a damn 1kg cake for my baby can!. NONE OF US GET THAT MUCH CAKE DURING OUR BIRTHDAY MAN!. WTF!? but it's alright. for the baby, anything's okay. hahha. plus, he makes up for whatever happy fucked up valentines day is. pfft. i mean valentines day is dumb. you really waste your money over stupid presents or spend it on exhorbitantly high prices and dining areas. okay, let me rephrase. valentines day is dumb unless you make your own sincere heart felt presents and go for a worth going, or home made dinner. meeting ada at night going to the C L I N I C. shrugs. ladies night so we'll prolly be club hopping. hahhas. since she used to do that back in aussie. oh wells. meeting andrea tomorrow to collect pay and lunch. (: ahas. miss that girl.I NEED TO BUY LINGERIE AT LA SENZA. I NEED BANANA REPUBLIC TO COME TO SINGAPORE AND SET UP A HOT BRANCH.I NEED TO FIND THAT DAMNED DRESS FROM TOP SHOP. FUCK THAT. oh and wayne tan. hahas. happy valentines. (:
- everything's just temporary;
11:23 AM
Sunday, February 11, 2007
went clubbing yesterday. (: with ______. fuck la. cabbed to dbl o from town then walked and cabbed to MOS. cause thinesh said it was good music.. and it was. well better than zouk on sat nights.went to retro room first, got my drinks there. had a vodka lime. my first ever drink, and from then on i gotta have that every clubbing experience. then took a tequila. fuck the salt which got onto my ulcer and nearly left me in tears. plus orange vodka in a jug. not forgetting that crazy almost one whole bottle of wine during dinner. anyways, retro room was much less crowded. plus i like that room. hmmms, my fav. went over to the main arena then headed to smoove. and... i fell in love. hahhas. with DJ TANG. (: he's THE man. MY man. hahhas. fucking hot la. omgomg. and was real high. see la. all that wine and drinks mixed together. BLEHS. for the first time of my clubbing history, i felt really awful. like really awful. and the guys there all sucked. except for 3 of em... secret smile. reached back about four-ish, then woke at seven to head to work. it was good with idah around. (: after which ate prawn mee then went to sleep in, practise salsa and then went grab some stuff near the area. fucked up tiring day. i miss dj tang. ):
- everything's just temporary;
10:10 PM
Monday, February 05, 2007
well. hey there. just a few more touches to finish all the valentine day presents. yups. but like i said, i'm not celebrating valentines on valentines day. but earlier!. (: shall not mention where... or with who... sly grins. but it was a good deal, plus, we're allowed to open bottle. for free. (: perfect. i'm pretty pleased with myself though, made a hell lot of great things. i think. considering how lousy i am in craft work etc. yay! excellent improvement. (: moses asked me to hit the clubs, he's got a party at double o. its ladies night. yups. hmmm, working on thurs morn so don ask me okay. can't imagine working with a hang over. simply kills. plus, my sat night plan of clubbin is dished out too cause i'm working sunday morning. which means... ANYONE WILLING TO GO SAT EVENING MASS WITH ME!? do msg me aiights. would love company. so i'm hoping i get to go clubbing after work on friday night. which is quite crazy... but it'll do much better than the rest of the days.. and results. are. coming. out. soon. fuck that.
- everything's just temporary;
11:15 AM
Sunday, February 04, 2007
fucking pissed off with CDC. it's totally screwed up. booked the fucking lessons but they're not there. fucking bitch. gonna call up the damn place tomorrow.
anyways, went to aunt enid's place for dinner. i was like... wth. the host and his close relatives just sit in front of the damn tv watching their own espn shows.... great. totally. and we are stuck having no other channels as well.
and suddenly all i want now is to meet ainsley. cause maybe then, for a little while i'll be out of this world.
- everything's just temporary;
12:34 AM
